This title is just a distraction, for there is no such thing as Black Men vs. Black Women. Problems are indeed present within our community but it has been magnified and used to define us as a collective. It is also being used as a sales product advertised in every song on the radio and movie on the television, and our people are buying it. Black Men rapping about dehumanizing, degrading, disrespecting, controlling and hyper-sexualizing Black Women and Black Women singing about how Black Men “ain’t nothing and never gonna be nothin” and movies portraying it all detail by detail. We are raised watching and listening to these negative portrayals of our people, so we automatically grow up thinking that’s the norm. This affects our mental health terribly. Some Black men may have been raised by a desensitized single mother who constantly tells them how their father left and they’re no good and she never fails to remind you how you’re just like him every time you make a mistake. Some Black women may have been raised around men who sexually and/or verbally abused them and rotted their trust and true meaning of Love. So in a relationship, the Black man may think that every time the Black woman speaks up they’re being blamed. The Black Woman may think that every time the Black man speaks up, she’s being attacked. (Just one example out of many.)

Historically, through the roughest of times we always had each others back and supported one another.  The Black man always protected the Black woman physically and the Black woman always protected the Black Man spiritually/emotionally. A mutual understanding was present and the Love was unconditional. We knew who the enemy was and we worked together on building up our family and community. We were never against each other because we were always on the same page until written otherwise and we worked everything out. The songs and movies we created matched exactly how we felt about one another, and now you see how big of an impact the media has on our people. Positive representation truly matters.

I can go on and on about the flaws present, but this time I would like to keep this simple and focus more on the solutions.

 

What truly needs to be done is:

  1. We must rid ourselves of the pain of our past and not put the burden on our Lover to fix it because as Black people, we’ve been through a lot.
  2. Self-Love is hard to maintain but it must be put into action because we cannot expect someone to Love us in the places we don’t Love ourselves.
  3. Forget all stereotypes and assumptions.
  4. Communication is key.
  5. Support one another and Love each other unconditionally.
  6. Only speak words of upliftment and truth to each other, you both are very sensitive despite how the media portrays you.
  7. Create your own images of Black Love and pass them unto your children.
  8. Be patient with one another.
  9. Black Love is the key to a healthy life.
  10. Do not give up on one another, for Love is not fragile and weak.
  11. Tell each other how you really feel because there is no room for ego.

 

“Love is or it ain’t. Thin Love ain’t Love at all.”-Toni Morrison